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nothing but gray matter

nothing but gray matter

Tag Archives: embarrasment

Femme Chivalry

18 Monday Oct 2010

Posted by M_LadyDi in I'm a lesbo

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

androgyny, chivalry, embarrasment, Emile Zola, gender confusion, ignorance, lesbian

vi.sualize.us

Anyone who knows Li and/or reads her blog, knows that she is extremely androgynous. Actually, she doesn’t look as confusing as she does downright male. Hell, just the other day while in line at the dollar store, the woman in front of her referred to her as “just another caucasian male.” Really? Li could pass 100% of the time as a man if she never opened her mouth. When she speaks however, out drips this warm, soft southern syrup. A decidedly feminine voice if there ever was one.

Li deals with gender confusion issues every day of her life and has done so since she was old enough to recognize that people were looking at her funny. This isn’t a “look” she chose to go after. She was simply born this way. If she tries to “femme-it-up” to make her identity easier for others, she looks very much like a bad drag queen. She is often mistaken for a gay man (which has had its amusing moments) but more often than not, folks just gawk openly. Sometimes the more ignorant of them assume that since she is gender-fluid, she must also be deaf—as was the case of the two women sitting across from her at the doctor’s office recently. She tells of one of the women very loudly  “stage-whispering” to her companion, “Is that a man or a woman?” Her friend looked at her, “What?” “Right there in front of you, dummy!” the woman replied. The entire waiting room was watching this exchange while Li contemplated running for the exit. Instead she said simply, “Woman.” “WHAT???” came the incredulous response  (because she spoke, not because she identified her gender). “You seem confused,” Li said, “I’m female.” This is but one example of what she endures every single day. I’ve seen it in action and I get extraordinarily angry at the ignorance that provokes such public humiliation.

Those who know me, know that I try to live my life based on my favorite quote by Emile Zola: “You ask me what I came here to do. I will tell you. I came to live out loud.” So it isn’t like me to sit idly by and let anyone I love be bashed in any way. While this may cause further embarrassment at times, it’s hard for me to hold back. So it was the other evening at dinner.

Li and I were out at our favorite restaurant with her mother and my son. We frequent this place at least once a week and Li has been a regular for more than a decade. Needless to say, she knows everyone and everyone knows her. Well, everyone save the three elderly folks who were seated three tables away from our booth. Li had come in late and they must have watched her walking across the parking lot. Slim of hip and flat of chest, she has close-cropped hair and a bit of a cowboy swagger. Dressed for work in khaki pants and a button-down shirt over a polo, she sat down and placed her order. The minute she opened her mouth I watched all three blue-tinted heads swivel in their chairs. I let it pass. When she started relating her day, they turned again. And again. And again. Finally I mentioned it to Li, who had her back to them. She rolled her eyes and sighed. The woman seated behind her excused herself for eavesdropping but said she had noticed it too and found it horribly rude. “Welcome to my world,” Li said.

I let a few minutes pass by and then I asked my son to let me out of the booth. “I’ll be back,” I said. Really, I was fed up and this was OUR turf and there was no way I was going to let these people off the hook. I didn’t care how old they were or how entitled they felt in making their disgust and bewilderment so painfully obvious. I walked up to the table with a big smile on my face and was immediately greeted by three of the most shocked looks I’ve ever encountered.

“Hi! I couldn’t help but notice you staring and I figured you must know me! Since I couldn’t place your faces, I thought I’d get up and introduce myself.” I stuck my hand out to the woman across the table and said “I’m Diana…and you are…?” The woman mumbled something incoherent and shook my hand. I repeated the process with her friend who was peering at me owlishly out of a very red face. Then I turned to the man who seemed to be trying to crawl under the table, “And you sir? You are…?” Of course I don’t recall any of their names. They were insignificant to me. I was there to make a point. “That’s fabulous!” I said,”Well now! I just want you all to enjoy the rest of your meal and,” at this point, I leaned in closely and confidentially, all eyes upon me, and said, “why don’t you take the rest of the evening to,” I gestured in a small circle around the table, “talk amongst yourselves now. Take care!” I flashed another huge smile and walked back to our booth and sat down. Needless to say, I never saw them turn around again.

Li looked at her mom, “This is why I love this woman.”

Never, ever let it be said that chivalry is either dead or marked “butch only.” Next time, I may take names AND kick some ass.

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Me, Drugs, and Alcohol

10 Monday Nov 2008

Posted by M_LadyDi in Stuff from the attic

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

alchohol, embarrasment, humor, medication

[written in May ’07]

For ten years my motto has been “better living through chemistry”. Actually, that should be “living at all through chemistry” as I previously had no life due to the confines of a really severe panic and anxiety disorder that often kept me housebound. Now I’m happily medicated, happier with my recent change and reduction in effective meds, and barely an anxious bone in my body.

I’m well acquainted with my pill bottles. I can recite the labels down to who filled it that month. This month it was Kim. That’s neither here nor there. Point is, they both distinctly say “this drug will make you drowsy. Alcohol will intensify that effect”. Seeing as I haven’t had an alcoholic drink in about 15 years I really didn’t pay much heed to that warning label and kind of forgot about it when I decided to throw caution to the wind, take the stick out of my ass and join Don’s family in a drunken free-for-all on Memorial Day weekend.

Yep. That’s me…the one passed out in the back seat of my car.

Oops…rewind. I took a couple of Mike’s Hard Cranberry Lemonades with me. They taste kind of fruity, the alkie content isn’t terribly high – like 4.5% or something and I can live with it. Let me tell you that I opened it around 2:15. One-third of the way through the bottle the world starts getting a little hazy and everyone around me is just a little funnier. Then Don’s sister sits down with this flourescent green drink with lots of yummy looking ice cubes. I.Must.Try.This. says the fuzzy part of my brain. MMMMMMMMMMM….pineapple. Green pineapple. Look ma, no alcohol!

BZZZZZZT. Wrong! About three kinds of alcohol can cancel each other out and it just tastes green and fruity. His niece makes me my own green fruity pineapple with lots of yummy looking ice cubes. I suck it down like water while I’m eating a cheeseburger dipped in ketchup. No bun. That’s pretty much the last thing I remember.

Until I wake up with drool on my arm, a seatbelt digging into my side, a terrific sharp pain in my right knee and my watch telling me it’s almost 6 p.m. WHAT THE FUCK? Don comes to check on me. Turns out he took pictures while I was in my drunken stupor. I yell at him. He erases them. Evidently everyone has already seen them. I sheepishly round the back porch and there are twice as many people there and half of them are total strangers now and his younger sister grabs me and yells out “Diana’s back!!!!” while everyone cracks up laughing.

Yup. Smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. Now talk amongst yourselves while I bear the humiliation in good humor and remind myself to pay attention to those little blue warning labels. I think Don drank the rest of my six pack.

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