, ,

[written in the early morning hours of a hot summer night in ’07. insomnia spurs the most interesting (and annoying) thought patterns.]

Laid my head down at 10:38 p.m.
Not tired, just feeling out of place
Out of sorts

Lyrics to “Rock Star” running through my head
For two days now

“I wanna brand new house on an episode of cribs
and a bathroom I can play baseball in…”

Got to stop listening to Kiss 108

Head keeps spinning
My own voice won’t shut the fuck up
Mulling over shit that shouldn’t matter
But does

“Wanna join the mile high club at 37,000 feet
(been there, done that)”


11:45 get up to pee
They’re still playing Wii
I lay down in the darkness and try to quiet the noise

“Wanna be great like Elvis without the tassles
Wanna big bodyguard that likes to beat up assholes”

Wait. Is that right?
What are the fucking lyrics?
I hear it 10 times a day and it’s on a loop in my brain

12:58 stand in the doorway
They are bonding
Don’t want to intrude
Nephew time. Friend time. Family time…

“Trade my life for fortune and fame
I’ll even cut my hair and change my name”

Pop another clonopin
My stomach is chewing itself from the inside out
My brain has to stop sometime soon

Have to purge the contents
Need to get it out
verbal bulimia of the cerebral cortex

It comes in waves and yet still won’t stop
I’ve overdosed on thought
And no one is awake to shut me down

” And we all just want to be big rock stars
Live in hilltop houses driving 15 cars…”

2:02 a.m.